Pregnancy with twins. What they don’t tell you.
I only got to 7 months before Twin One decided he was bored with pilates and herbal tea (you know what buddy, Mummy was bloody bored of it too) . I literally have no idea how twin mummies who got to full term did it! Well done. Please now enjoy a G+T.
However anyone who has been pregnant with twins has had “quite” an experience: Pregnancy with twins – this is what struck me:
1. Your reality will be different from your partners.
When the Irish midwife looked at me with what I now know was her “loaded question” face and asked “have you been feeling particularly sick?” I still had no idea. Even once she said “well that’ll be becaaarkarse there are two babies here” (hard to do an Northern Irish accent in written form!) all I could think was a vitriolic ‘”in your face pregnancy I knew I couldn’t be this crap at this without a reason”.
I swore, cried and then took longer than is admirable to come to terms with it.
My husband initially giggled like a girl and then revelled in 7 months of comments about having super spunk, his supreme manliness and what an excellent lover he must be! (WTF it isnt even linked!)
In all of his revelry I don’t think he once worried about his figure. Worried about his career. Worried about if it went wrong, worried about the birth, worried about the complications, worried about the equipment needed for two small children, the impact on his relationship with me, the impact on our sex life, the schooling situation, ISIS, the state of Anglo- American relations, or whether or not we should dress them identically or not.
You will become a mother the moment you find out you are pregnant. He will become a father the day they are born.
Unfortunately up until then he might be, caring considerate and sweet… but forgive him his lack of ‘actual understanding’… in his mind he is still a god damm super -spunk hero with a world to save( hopefully save because it would seem that as a spunky hero his role should be to impregnate…and that will currently seem tres bad!) You are a tubby worrier with a nursery to get ready (and an international terrorism crisis to suss)
2. Think you’ve been tired before? WHATEVER!
This was a first trimester issue mostly… and it manifested itself in true first world problem style. I drove to the swimming pool… and slept in the car park. I knew a number of “suitable” (ie not dogging) laybys on the 55min commute back from work for which to “rest’ (read fall comatose against the wheel and dribble).
The tiredness was RIDICULOUS. Think lunch time drinking after early morning swim, 3 sleeping tablets, an international flight and ….oh right, thats after having been up all night for the last week to wee like a racehorse at 45 min intervals!
3 Did I mention the weeing…
4 Your body is subject to comment. Obviously people should only be saying “you look like a divine godess of womanity” however lets face it the worlds not perfect, and as I now know children sporadically deeply antisocial in their outlook.
This can literally be the only reason that the child who saw me 7 months pregnant flailing behind the shower curtain in the swimming pool changing rooms decided to call out:
“look Mummy… a monster”.
Now in my ignorance I heard this high pitched demand that her mother look at least 3 times before it occurred to me it might be about me (fucking shower curtain now stuck to belly, frantically trying to unpeel it, elbows protruding from sides – lets face it when a shower curtain decides to adhere to a twin bump theres not much left to cover the extremities)
But no wait for it small shouty child’s brother was now shouting excitedly:
“look mummy the monsters got elbows”
Soap in eyes. Flash backs to school. Should I leave… don’t want ‘Mummy of shouty child’ and the elbow identifier’ to feel awkward. Fuck it I am a grown woman. I do not want to cry. She obviously will explain to them in a minute… you know “we don’t point at disabled people” style…
Oh…oh no… ‘brother of shouty child’ ACTUALLY shot behind wall and ‘shouty child’ actually shouted in my face “its the monster” … mother of afore mentioned actually did and said NOTHING.
People will comment… and you know what ‘mother of shouty child’ unless its your best friend looking for stretch marks or your husband telling you that you look like a fertility goddess (bless if its the best you can get!) then ITS NOT OK!
Bottom line though… your pregnant with twins – and that is bloody cool.
Do one 7 year old shouty child!