I will just come out with this.
For those of us who are not blessed with the earth-mother gene, there are a lot of unattractive emotions in motherhood.
The “coming to terms with” your place in what society often ranks as a second rate role.
The not resenting your new “with added badges of honour bollocks” body.
The crushing insecurity of doing a good job – let alone a good enough job.
The overwhelming guilt at eventually loosing your shit and throwing a plate of food across the kitchen after 5.5hours of non stop “Muuuuummmmmy-ing”.
And then there are the unattractive mum of twin things.
When it comes to twin mums we are faced with an additional set of unspoken emotions to content with. Now I know that these are things I think which I shouldn’t, but you know what? I wouldn’t feel half as bad about them if I knew someone else was feeling them too… so here is my uncut edit on twin motherhood.
- Favouritism. Now I love my children equally but when they are not babies and start to blossom into there own people… each shrieking “Pooooo Mummy” or “No. No. No” in the style of Mussolini with hangover I have to admit at the end of each day someone has earnt the title of ‘easiest’… easiest is then translated by ‘mother translate’ (its like Google Translate) more often than not as ‘favourite’. It looks bad but at least I am acknowledging they are genetically identical but different right!
- Comparison. Sweet lord if I could stop comparing I would be one seriously zen-ned out person. Stop comparing my life before and after. Stop comparing my children. Stop comparing other peoples parenting styles. Stop comparing what they ate yesterday to what they ate today. Stop comparing how relatively easy parents of one must have it compared to parents of two, or beating myself up about the imaged ninja skills of parents of 3+ in comparison! If I could stop comparing life would be simpler… in the same way it would be better if I came off Facebook and got up an hour earlier. Simple is difficult!
- Passive aggressive praising and ordering. Now I am pretty sure every mother has said “don’t worry baby, Daddy will now change your nappy and put you to bed”… as unsuspecting father realises he is getting told now for the first time! But for me my biggest twinning foible is passive aggressive praising. The “Well Done Charlie. Excellent eating” as Jane lobs her food at the radiator ensuring maximum cleaning difficulties. I like to think reenforcing the good behaviour makes it stick as ‘the thing to do’ … but I think it just come across as a passive aggressive dickhead.
- The ‘use your words’ frustration. Look tiny one I know its probably more frustrating for you but you know what its blood frustrating for Mummy too. I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT. STOP WHINING I AM TRYING TO UNDERSTAND YOU! I know, I know, but my fuse is so short on the whining front its actually becoming an issue.I have whining induced rage. WIR for short. Its so unattractive – not being cool in the face of my child’s endless efforts to make himself understood but it just breaks me. Especially as with two it is ENDLESS.I need to step up, rise above it, find new and helpful ways of getting my child to communicate his irrational points. But seriously. USE. YOUR. WORDS!
- Gloating. Now I actually believe that hands down the people who have it hardest are those with children of different ages so I cannot knock them but silently if you have only one child I do feel a bit superior. Its not that your struggle is different its just that when you get out of the car at the mall you only pick up one screaming toddler and wrestle him into his car seat. Your timelines are only set up for one to pick up/drop off/sit on the potty/get to sleep/hug after a fall/get you up in the night. And you know what? I do actually feel like a bitch feeling like this. My best friends have ‘ones’ and I completely see that we are more similar in our battles than we are different. But I still gloat… and feel a bit sorry for you… one just wouldn’t be enough.
- Basking in undeserved sympathy/glory. The women in the shops, other Mummies, the bin man. ‘It must be so hard,’ ‘you’re doing so well,’ ‘impressive,’ ‘hard work,’ ‘well done you’… Its lovely. I love it. I have no idea if I deserve but people are kind and lovely and understanding. But really I need to get a grip, its the way it is, mothers the world over just get shit done. I should not indulge in the minor celebrity of retelling the ‘no sleep for a week story’. Seriously it was 6 months ago know! All that happened is I had an egg that split and dealt (as all women would) with the ensuing birth – as a mother.
…oh and I can’t bloody wait to go to work…
There are literally so many more unattractive emotions and behaviours I exhibit as a mother but really the point is this its ok, we are human. We would all feel a lot better if we were honest each other and ourselves. You may be more saintly than me and think I am a bitch but if your not thinking that, I hope this list gives you a little bit of reassurance – you are not the only one!